Sitting down and writing is something that, actually, has never come to me naturally. I know. I KNOW. What a lie I’ve been living. Holly writes things? More like Holly fights-against-her-natural-impulse-in-order-to-write things, who’s with me?
Let me clarify.
I love writing. I’m not bad at it. I’ve got an MA in it and all. It’s the sitting down and ACTION part I’m not so good at.
I’m bad at a lot of things:
- Saving money
- Anything that involves commitment, consistency and accepting you’re not the best yet so you’ve got to keep trying
- So basically most things
…and sitting down and making time to write is one of them.
No one has ‘time’ to write’ No one has ‘time’ to do anything! I know it’s about making time, and choosing to use your energy on certain activities, but at the end of the day I’m just a bit lazy, honestly. It is just easier to consume content than it is to create it.
However. In September, I found myself in possession of more free time than I knew what to do with. In the subsequent months, the choice paralysis of all the potential I had, all the possibilities, all the things I could do, see, accomplish, create with this free time has led me to, er, do nothing. And I’m bored. Which is so incredibly unlike me (and, well, fucking boring) so I’ve decided that enough is ENOUGH. She says. Resolutely. For the umpteenth time.
I’ve decided I’m going to write! Be a writer! Create content just for me! Hold myself accountable and improve my skills! It’s got nothing to do with the fact I forgot to cancel this fucking site and £100 came out of my account to pay for this goddam .com domain and I’m salty as fuck about it! None!
It’s so easy to ‘not’. Easy to not turn on the computer. To not commit to ten fucking minutes of brain activity after work. To not to go to the gym, to not update the CV. Easy not to get it wrong – easy to not even try. Easy to not do anything.
Until, all of a sudden, it isn’t easy any more.
So this is the ‘easy’ that I choose. Easier to write, and write something, and write anything, than to write nothing and squirm when someone asks what you’ve been up to lately. Easier to make something for myself than search for it elsewhere. Easier to do something, than it is to do nothing.
…we’ll see how long it lasts.